Fear

One of the strongest connections I've found is between fear and control.

When we feel afraid, we often try to gain control.

We want certainty.

We want answers.

We want guarantees.

We want things to happen the way we expect.

When life doesn't cooperate, we become uncomfortable.

Sometimes we try to control our children.

Sometimes we try to control our partners.

Sometimes we try to control coworkers.

Sometimes we try to control situations that were never ours to control in the first place.

Often, underneath that desire for control is fear.

Fear that something bad might happen.

Fear that we'll get hurt.

Fear that we'll lose something important.

Learn more about Wanting Control.

Fear impacts relationships more than most people realize.

Many arguments aren't actually about the topic being discussed.

They're about fear.

A person who constantly needs reassurance may fear abandonment.

A person who becomes controlling may fear losing connection.

A person who avoids commitment may fear getting hurt.

A person who becomes defensive may fear being judged.

If we don't understand the fear underneath the behavior, we often end up fighting the symptom instead of addressing the root cause.

Learn about Growing Together Instead of Growing apart.

Growth requires discomfort.

Discomfort creates fear.

That means growth and fear are often connected.

If you're trying something new, changing a habit, entering a relationship, leaving a relationship, changing careers, getting sober, becoming a parent, or improving yourself, fear will probably show up.

That's normal.

The goal isn't to eliminate fear.

The goal is to understand it.

The goal is to ask yourself:

What am I scared of?

Once you can answer that question honestly, you often get much closer to understanding yourself.

Learn more about Why Change Causes Fear.